A MOTHER'S LETTER TO HER DAUGHTER.

It seems such a long time since I was a
teenager. But when I was looking at some
old photos at your grandma’s recently, it
suddenly all came flooding back. I saw a
picture of myself at the same age you are
now and suddenly my heart just melted for
you. I looked into my own girl’s eyes and I
could see all the confusion, all the
uncertainty, all the things I was unsure or
even ashamed about. So that’s why I’m
writing you this message of support. It’s
such a time of change and I want to tell
you how I got through it, because I think
hearing about some of my experience
might help you find your own way through.
For a while, it felt as though looks were all
that mattered – and I never seemed to
look as good as I thought the girls around
me did. But gradually, I learned to trust my
instincts about what really made me who I
was (and who I still am today). I learned to
play to my academic strengths. I realised
that though I’d never be on the netball
team, I could still enjoy other activities
like riding my bike and take pride in being
fit.
I discovered that what matters most is
learning to trust that voice inside that’s
authentically me, that makes me the
person I am. I realised that I could trust
that voice, and that listening to it would
help me work out how to be the best
possible ‘me’ I could be. I didn’t have to be
the best at whatever it was I was trying to
achieve, but I did have to try my best.
Realising the difference between those two
things really boosted my confidence.
It took me a long time to realise the
importance of friendship with other girls in
my life and I think you’re learning that
sooner than I did. You don’t need tons of
friends, but you do need at least a few
close friends you can trust, and you need
to learn to accept them, warts and all, and
work out the hard stuff. None of us is a
perfect friend, but what your friend does is
care about you – and in return, you care
about her.
When boyfriends (or girlfriends) come
along, that’s a new stage again. I
remember how weird it felt, this new kind
of closeness. I spent a lot of time in my
bedroom just thinking about my crushes,
and you’ll probably want to do that, too. I
didn’t want to share these things with my
mum and I imagine you’ll feel the same
way.
Mulling over the new stuff that’s going on
is important, because there’s a lot to
process. And it’s not just about boyfriends
or girlfriends, it’s about all the other
things that suddenly seem so important –
your ‘figure’, how much you’re eating, how
much exercise you do and what you look
like in that dress, exam results, what you
want to do when you grow up.
I made a fair few mistakes when I was a
girl and no doubt you will, too. It’s one
thing we can both be certain of. But
here’s something I learned when I was
older and I’d like you to know it now. We
all make mistakes in life but what’s
important is what you do after you realise
you’ve made one and how you work
through it. It takes courage to face up to
your mistakes and move on but being able
to do this can be incredibly empowering. It
can give your self-esteem a huge lift,
because it helps you realise that, whatever
happens, you call the shots in your life and
you can turn things around.
Always know that I love you
Love Mum